Getting ready to head for Houston for a complete CAT scan to measure the effectiveness of the experimental cancer treatments I’ve been in since last year.  Thinking this will provide a good look at exactly what the magic pills have done.

One positive thing is that to date, with the exception of some foot pain, I have not experienced many side effects and still don’t have any major pains.

While I realize that this stage 4 bladder cancer is the 4th leading cause of cancer death in men over 65, I have prayed that this very limited drug trial is doing what needs to be done.  Albeit faith and prayers it’s hard not to think of exactly when the final curtain call will be.

This paranoia strikes deep into your heart it may creep, it starts when your always afraid…..  Stephen Stills

I have attempted to conquer both my anger and fear in two ways:

1.  Releasing my anger thru gratitude for what my life has provided to date.  Appreciating blessings is a good way to eliminate anger.  Be grateful for what you have, forget what you don’t have.
2. Conquering fear of death is quite another matter.  The fear of the unknown and wondering exactly how my death will manifest itself is a great cause of anxiety; however, I have only found one thing that masks this ominous fear.  That thing is faith.

A recent get together with our grandchildren left me with a reassuring feeling, our replacements are already here!  Faith in their futures and that of their parents is something that eases that fear.  Waking up everyday and realizing I’m still not dead provides me with a reason to jump out of bed a seize each day as if it might be my last.

This picture makes me smile everyday and is just another thing to be grateful for me.

This smiling group of munchkins let’s me realize that they are the future and as a grandparent I am the past.  Talk about a bundle of joy, these kids are it.  My prayers include them daily.